How To Tell You've Outgrown Your Friends

This summer, I felt like I was going through a breakup but with 10 different friends.

We just all outgrew each other. Respectfully.

Here’s the criteria that I use to figure out if I feel we’re outgrowing each other:

1. How do i feel after I hangout with them?

   This is by far the most important question. If you can answer this one confidently, you don’t need to even ask yourself the following 2. If I leave our conversations feeling empowered, more in love with life, more positive, happier, lighter, clearer, or smarter - then that’s still a solid friendship.
   
   I try to hold this question until I left the dinner and am walking home. My gut reaction usually tells me. I can feel it in my body. When I’m with them, I stay present instead of holding a separate conversation in my head about this.
   
   

2. Is this still fun?

   I’ve made a lot of friends through common interests. I’ve also outgrown many interests. As much as I love dancing, I’m not into the downtown clubbing scene as much anymore. I don’t like drinking alcohol every weekend.
   
   This was fun. It’s not for me anymore. My tastes have changed. Maybe I’m just getting older.
   
   

3. Are they growing?

   I’m influenced easily. If you’re resting on your laurels and I spend too much time around you, there is a high chance, I’ll start to kick back, too. I know I won’t like that but I know myself enough that I can see it.
   
   Taking on tough challenges whether it’s a personal writing project or work program become easier when you know your friends are hustling on things, too. Sometimes, a solid Saturday is spending the day writing and then meeting friends for dinner and talking about what we’re building.
   
   I often think of this quote—

It’s become a pattern for me to lose friends and make new ones particularly in the transformative periods of my life.

I’m no stranger to it but it’s still not easy. I get sad, feel the loss, but in time, I understand and then comes peace.

Friendships are important to me. I think a lot about them and journal about them extensively. I’ve written about how I’ve had the wrong friends in the past.

As I’ve grown, I have earned new friends and pruned my social circles. Aside from a few lifetime friends I know I have, I am excited to use these couple of months and invest in new friendships.

Cheers!

Here, my chicken scratch notes that developed this article in the first place. Special thanks to Tima for asking me these questions!