Last Day at The Org — kaila j. lim

Alternative Title: This is the beginning of the movie

Monday, April 24th:

I went to work in the morning chipper, listening to V’s Christmas Trees.

I walked into the All Hands and felt the tone and words all hit differently: “We’ve had to reduce the company to 12 people and those who are staying have been notified.”

I made eye contact with people around the table, my teammates. I don’t know why but I felt like I had to validate I knew everyone here, to ground me that this was real and it was happening.

“Hey, if you want hang back or go home, do what you want,” my boss said. “I want to go home,” I said with tears in my eyes.

I walked down the stairs and made phone calls— I needed to say it out loud to people.

I walked to Tem’s through LES. The 9:10am sky felt bluer and everything felt fucking peaceful like when you’re trying to tune the radio and the dial is finally done right. I was crying but also felt the sky had me. The universe had me right where it wanted me.

Jenny unnie is coming later this weekend. She picked up my call on the 2nd ring and tended to me.

At Tem’s, I sulked and rehydrated and was met with the deepest hug. He’s seen me at my work, he knows how much of a role it played in my life, I thought.

I walked through LES again and met Bruno at a park bench where he doubled down that this was my freedom. I can do all the things I wanted to do. “This is the beginning of the movie,” he said.

My face felt dry and swollen and I wanted to go home. I headed back uptown but unlike all the subway rides I’ve taken, I didn’t listen to music.

I walked into my apartment, held my roommate’s dog close, then ran straight to my closet and dumped all my work clothes into bags— like a breakup essentially. I don’t know why I felt the need to do this but it felt right. I wanted to purge.

I got Little Beet for lunch.

I went to trade in/donate all my clothes and grabbed an iced latte and sat outside in the sun to let myself think.

I called Andrew and hung out in Bushwick to word vomit everything I was feeling and thinking.

I called a car to pick up the clothes, I made $76 on them.

Donated $6 to the man on the subway.

I went to my Monday night meeting with my art therapist, where I poured out my feelings. She laid out on the table all the art supplies in front of me and I began to let my hands do their thing and I drew.

Got Chick Fil A for dinner then took the subway home, zoning out often, almost missing my stop.

I watched kdramas until I fell asleep, thinking about how peaceful I was now.

I’ll be honest— being laid off at The Org felt oddly surreal when it all went down. It felt like a breakup. The company was ~70 people when I joined. I would see the NYC team more times that I often saw my friends.

While I wasn’t surprised about the decision, I still was shocked. Heartbroken. I was deeply sad and disappointed because I really poured myself into that job. I’d do it again.

So, what’s next?

I don’t know.

Rest.

Keeping my heart open to collabs:

To my NYC family and friends, hire me to help build your community, design your office space, or teach your team how to be better communicators.

To my Seoul family and friends, I miss you all so much.

Currently working on few side projects:

My life outside of work largely remains the same, even through my last week there, amidst the change.

Immersing myself into the arts. I’m writing and reading poetry. I’ll be reading and Lauren & Ross’s Poetry Night on Tuesday night. I’m going to galleries and museums more, hmu if you want to come with.
Mentoring Shake Shack’s NYC Marketing Team how to become better public speakers and communicators via Toastmasters (thank you Tamara and Lisa!)
Taking TikTok more seriously (don’t follow me if you know me from work)

Diving back into my communities:

I want to stay dedicated to attending church on Sundays. I keep going on and off. Leading a prayerful life is great but I need community, too.

I want to spend more time with my friends, the bread and butter of community and joy in my life.

I want to add more value to my Toastmasters communities by speaking at them and giving feedback to my fellow speakers, too.