If you ask people I went to college with to describe me, the word “professional” would come up.

Once at a public speaking contest, someone told me: “your professionalism shows in every aspect of you.”

I felt touched.

The compliment was meaningful because my professionalism was something I worked really hard on. It encompassed my behavior, my mental attitude, and the way I dressed.

I became professional because at the time, that’s where I was headed. And candidly, I was in a bit of a rush to grow up considering how much I hated feeling powerless at home.

Here’s How I decided on that direction

In high school, the school would be closed on random days of the week for teacher conferences or board of education meetings or other random administration reasons.

This was awesome. It left us with an additional day off in the week to do what we want. Most kids would sleep in late or lounge at home and treat it like the weekend.

Not me. I avoided being home as much as I could my entire life.

This is what I did—

On a Thursday without school, I still woke up at 5:45am, got dressed and packed my backpack. I got ready and left the house on time because I needed to give my father the impression that I still had school.

So I’d walk out of the house on a crisp, early morning, turn the corner and run down the block towards the main street to catch the 166 New York bound bus.

I did this for almost every weekday without school.

I loved spending the days in the city. I figured the whole point of even getting an education is to be here. It’s to be in New York, working and earning, so I liked to get as close as I could.

Any time I didn’t have to be in school, I was in the city

Being in Manhattan duRING morning rush hour is poetic as it is chaotic

The major transit hubs like Grand Central Station, Penn Station, Union Station, and Port Authority pump out waves of working class people. Earbuds in, suit jacket on the arm, briefcase held in the other.

Moving crowds take up the sidewalks and spill onto the intersections as people look for no cars to cross, eternally indifferent to the traffic signs. The hustle and bustle of all this was attractive to me.

And I loved the energy.

I’d sit inside Gregory’s Coffee behind the large glass windows with a cappuccino, watching.

On a certain morning, a working woman caught my eye.

She walked down the street like she was on a mission. She held a cup of coffee in one hand and her handbag on her opposite shoulder. I watched her go through the revolving doors of the lobby in the building next to the one I was in.

She stepped to the side and took out a pair of heels from her bag. Then she pulled off her tennis shoes and slid into her black pumps. She grabbed her blackberry and began texting quickly as she tossed her bag over her shoulder.

Then I watched her strut through the high ceiling lobby with her phone in one hand and her coffee in the other. In my head, I could hear the sound of her heels clack on the marble floors. What a powerful sound.

This woman walked with purpose and after seeing her, I knew that’s exactly what I wanted.

I wanted that poise and confidence. Her posture alone told me that she was ready to crush the day ahead of her.

I wanted to feel the way she felt.

The memory of her walking through that marble lobby holding her phone in one hand and coffee in the other was stamped into my memory the way a gif resets and replays.

Since then, I was changed.

Every decision I made was based on the woman I wanted to become.

Since then, I was living into “future me.”

Now, I didn’t know this woman. Heck - she’s essentially a stranger I creepily admired from the cafe across the street separated by two glass windows and road in between.

However, watching her gave me this outline and I was co-creating me within it. I started to think about questions like

“If I was her, what would I be doing?”
“If I felt the way she felt, what kind of work would I be in?”
“If I carried myself like that, what would I need to think about myself?”

All of this was unique to me and I didn’t have answers to the questions but I liked to think about them.

I was pursuing a feeling.

I applied every decision with the filer: “Does this help me become that person I want to be?”

I started to make friends with people who were vibrant and excited about life
I poured myself even more into what made me feel alive. In high school this meant running harder at track practice and staying longer to practice for Model UN and going above and beyond for Student Council
I attached myself to blogs and websites that offered “professional” advice like Inc and Forbes (important note: my opinion about their lifestyle advice has evolved and I’ve outgrown a lot of it now, I’d recommend other websites today)
I styled my wardrobe with clothes that made me feel elegant and smart. Blazers really did the trick for me and at a certain point in college, I owned like 30 blazers. Maybe over-expressed myself here.

Having a clear picture of who I wanted to become was useful for me in my formative years.

If I had to mark whether or not I achieved that image, my answer is yes. I’ve walked to every job with my head held high, coffee in one hand at a pace like I was on a mission.

Lately though—

I’m embarking on a journey towards turning more inwards. It’s important to me to step into my most authentic version and amplify the hell out of it.

Because I’m curious on who I’m designed to really be.

A Moment That Changed My Life