The #1 Relationship Advice I Give To My Friends
2 important questions I like to ask my friends are—
Do you like who you are when you’re with him/her now?
More importantly, do you like the person you’re becoming while with him/her?
The 1st question often gets a fast yes. The 2nd question makes you think forward.
When you’re in a committed relationship with someone, you can expect yourself to change. Adapt rather. This isn’t a bad nor a good thing.
It’s just what happens.
People who have low self-awareness never seem to see this coming for them.
I’ve dated guys where I answered yes to the 1st question and no to the 2nd one. I’ve been with guys who make me feel more beautiful, feminine, and on top of the world but as we spent more time together, I’ve begun to not like who I was becoming.
It sneaks on you.
This part always starts small.
For example, I was seeing this guy, right. He loved to unwind by staying up late to watch movies, eat fried foods, and play video games. Now, I like movies and delicious fried foods so I did those things, too.
I did it for about a week and then two and it was really fun. I enjoyed all of it. I ate so much fried chicken and watched a shit ton of shows and movies. Then a whole month went by and I was sleeping in til 9 or 10am, running significantly slower, breaking out on my skin, and felt so unmotivated.
I wasn’t me.
This is not to say that staying up late, french fries, and Fortnite are bad things because they’re not. But they’re not my kind of habits.
I could hear the voice in my head each time: “It’s just one meal.” “It’s just one late night.”
Breaking down doesn’t happen from just one time. It happens slowly, day by day, week by week. So being around someone you might really like but does not support the person you’re trying to become is not a good set up for a healthy relationship.
Now, there will always be compromise.
My advice is not to make sure you’re dating someone who matches your habits. Or to date someone who lives your lifestyle. Or to date someone who wants what you want.
Because all of those things change.
Habits get replaced, lifestyles will mature, and who knows what you’ll want in 5 - 10 years after everything you’ll do?!
You are 2 unique individuals. The reason you should want to be together is because together, you’re both better.
My best advice for you is to make sure that’s your case by asking yourself the 2 questions at the top—
1. Do you like who you are when you’re with him/her?
2. And do you like the person you’re becoming while with him/her?