Did Paying Attention to my Nervous System F*ck It Up?

I just finished my first run since fainting last week.

I kept it light.

2 miles.

Flat roads along the ocean in Maui.

I plugged in Djo’s song and just ran until I hit the end of the sidewalk when it forces you to cross the street but instead ran back and to my pleasant surprise, clocked it at exactly 2 miles. Perfect. I don’t want to go fast or push. I’m thankful I can even run without getting dizzy.

I’ve been going in the ocean since I got here as I steadily ease myself back into full health.

Work emails and life emails call for my attention every day but I’ve been trying to prioritize my longterm health. Physically but also my spiritual health. The palm trees waving at me each morning when I walk Kihei Caffe help. Palms are so silly.

I started paying attention to my nervous system in the back half of 2025, probably when I started working more with my somatic coach. I often wondered things like is my nervous system regulated? Would my skin not be breaking out if was? Would I feel more confident if it was? What are the signs?

My period is regular and healthy. My hair is full and growing.

I started to tap into my nervous system more, thinking about it, catching my breathing only being in my chest and not my full body and THEN— last week happened when I fainted in the restaurant.

Between us, I felt so scared. I didn’t know what was happening and I couldn’t control staying awake. I could not will my body into doing something, it just pulled the emergency brakes on me, without even asking. I’ve always been able to will myself, even if my body was screaming “not another step” in distance races in the scorching humidity— it’s by my sheer determination, I finished those races.

Body is so damn fucking intelligent though.

Today I was in the water, swimming in the deep as I love and a thought I hadn’t had in DECADES came — sharks. I suddenly had this fear creep in my body of potentially being bitten. The ocean was sandy because of the heavy crashing waves so I had low visibility for any creatures around me and I remembered a victim being bitten in 3 foot of water off the Jersey shores once. I also believe sharks, like all animals, can sense fear and I reeked of it. I got scared and tensed up and then left the water for the land where I sat, feeling strangely defeated. The ocean is their home, even though it feels like mine spiritually (I belong more to the sky though).

I’ll be back in the water tomorrow morning, first thing.

I wonder if paying all this new attention to my nervous system fucked it up.

What if my system was operating smoothly without me analyzing it?

Then here I am sending signals, checking in, wondering how it’s doing and it goes and shuts off on me. Of course, the opposite argument could also be true. I should feel thankful I’ve been paying closer attention and therefore the fainting was required me to reboot myself, my body, my health, my system.

At my massage at the Kilolani Spa (highly recommend btw so lavish), my masseuse called stress the “s word.” Obviously, humans need a little bit stress I’m told in order to get things done. I became hypervigilant when I was a toddler because of my dad. I like to think I eased out of that. How can I be sure though?

The salt water helps.