A Brain Dump Piece No. 1

This is one of my “building life in public” posts.

I wanted to write for a while and get some thoughts onto paper. I’ll call this a buffer piece. A paper where I just brain dump all my thoughts until I’m able to write more clearly.

Ok so I’m in Seoul right now and it’s raining. With the rain, the temperatures outside have finally dropped. I’ve been here for about 2 weeks and every day has been insanely hot and humid, like walking into the bathroom after someone took a hot shower. It felt uncomfortable to wear clothes– that kind of stickiness and humidity. Thankful for the gray, cloudy, rainy vibe of today. This afternoon felt like the weather of Hogwarts in Harry Potter or Nevermore in Netflix’s Wednesday.

When I first arrived in the last week of July, I took the train to Busan. Marta was hosting a tech meetup, “The Struggle is Real” with Busan based founders who told stories of “failed” or struggling moments in their journey. It’s pretty awesome to see this happen in Korea because our culture is all about hiding struggles and only vocalizing the wins.

Also, I MCed this event!

It’s the first event in Korea that I’ve ever MCed!!!!

I’ve done panels for Seoul Startups but those were on Airmeet because in 2020 and 2021, Korea was still in a COVID cautious state due to cases. I had so much fun getting to do this and I loved every part of it. Thank you to Marta for recruiting me for the role at this event and trusting me to deliver.

There was something about flying in from New York to Seoul, riding a train to Busan, and hitting the stage at a tech meetup all within 48 hours— felt like a dream!!!

I always knew I wanted to get paid for public speaking.

On the note of public speaking, I got 3 gigs in July, including the 1 above:

MCed the Super AI ML Summit by Supermomos on July 14th in Midtown, New York
Keynote speech at the Gen Z Storytelling Masterclass on July 22nd in Princeton, New Jersey
MCed the Struggle is Real by South Ventures on July 27th in Busan, South Korea

What makes all of these special is that I had relationships with every single one of the people who were putting these on and was specifically invited for the speaker part.

In that regard, I’m living a dream and I need to recognize that

For Super AI ML, Edwina walked up to me at a tech event I was consulting on so technically working for and with such high excitement in her tone, she asked me to be her MC. I felt HONORED. But I have a conflict because at the time, I was supposed to fly out to San Francisco to meet with a founder. I wanted to do this with Edwina and her Supermomos community, I could feel it in my body. I got on a call with the founder and we moved the dates and so happy I did because the conference was so much fun.

For the Gen Z Masterclass, Jaclyn who I know and love from Toastmasters back when I was at Rutgers texted me to be her opening keynote. Again, I was so honored to be asked. She’s pinged me about this in the past but the scheduling never worked out– I was either traveling or out of town, etc. This event was very unique because the audience was middle school and high school students, who were a part of Jaclyn’s storytelling class.

I thought FOR DAYS about what topic to give a keynote on. I ran through old stories I had written, and I asked my Instagram audience. Then I remembered the promise I made to myself when I was 20. “If I ever got the opportunity to talk in front of kids, I’d tell them the story of my upbringing.” I made this promise because I know when I was 12, 13, 14 years old all I needed was someone who was an adult to tell me that they came from a shitty home and still were able to build a good life for themselves. I did wonder if I covered a topic that might have been too dark. My 10 minute keynote was a combination of something I’ve never told anyone and the hardest truth I had to accept.

For the Struggle is Real meetup in Busan, Marta who moved to Busan about a year ago from Seoul is actively building its tech community with South Ventures. We had a Seoul Startups trip planned to Yeosu, a coastal city in the south of Korea for the weekend. I arrived about a day earlier on Thursday night to get to be a part of this event with the community there. She asked if I wanted to MC it and I was elated and immediately said yes.

From Friday to Sunday, we all went to Yeosu for some beach vibes. It’s so lovely how empty that city is. We successfully found parking at places and the beaches were not crowded by any means, giving me so much space to swim in the ocean. Spending time with the old crew felt wholesome and being back in the ocean felt spiritually fulfilling as it always does. On our last day, we went ziplining over the water and got lunch at a restaurant after we checked out of the AirBNB. It was called Rosita’s and I ate the best cheeseburger of my life there.

I stayed at Marta’s in Busan, which is like an 8 minute walk to the ocean. On Monday morning, we went for a cold plunge and then got smoothies and pancakes at a coffee shop in the neighborhood. Then I boarded the train back to Seoul on Monday night.

I pretty much slept all Tuesday and Wednesday and finally got a spontaneous haircut on Thursday afternoon. My roots were so grown out, I had to do something and went to my local Juno Hair Salon. The stylists were so positive and fun to be around, I loved how much I laughed getting my hair dyed, treated, and cut. I think I’ll do one more haircut and treatment before I head back to the States though. With the weather being so hot, I haven’t worn my hair down in a long time.

I’ve felt a lack of clarity and a little agitated recently

There are a few bad habits I’ve picked up like bringing my phone to bed and watching movies until I fall asleep (this used to be a “treat” for me but I’ve made it my norm now). I want to head to bed and lie down and feel myself drift to sleep while setting intentions for the next day but scrolling TikTok and watching The Prestige on Netflix is so fun for me sometimes.

I’ve been sleeping at like 3:30am and waking up at 10am or sometimes noon. Except for today because of all the rain, my typical flow in the day is like this:

wake up
drink water, brush teeth and skincare
iced americano from GS25
walk along the Han River for about ~2 miles
light workout at the outdoor workout things
cold shower
eat something
time becomes a vacuum here and it feels like I open my laptop and then go down a rabbit hole with reading Dan Koe or watching YouTube or Netflix and then next thing I know it’s like already 6pm seriously
decide to go out and run errands or stay home because it’s too hot to head out until the sun has set a bit
come back home and cold shower again
watch a movie or korean drama
then sleep and semi-repeat, every day is different but this is the gist

As you can see, nowhere in there am I writing or creating content, both things which I enjoy doing on a soul level. I don’t want to shame myself for this behavior, perhaps I need to just chill out for a bit. Could it be the jetlag and stress of getting used to a new time zone? Makes no sense because I’ve come to Seoul so often I get used to it within days. Maybe it’s getting used to being in a different space that isn’t mine? That’s possible because physical environments have a huge impact on us mentally and spiritually. I can’t wait to eventually own my own place in Seoul, I have so many visions for how I’d design my Korean apartment. I’d also host all the time.

I want to write more and I need to build habits that make it conducive to writing. Perhaps I go to a cafe in the mornings and just bring my laptop and credit card so I grab my coffee and then open up an empty page and pour my thoughts.

One thing I got started on is a little fast. I find fasting resets me. The longest fast I’ve done was 50 hours and it helps when you’ve got work or something to fill your day. This fast might be a bit of a challenge because I like to eat when I’m bored or when I watch something. I’m about 18 hours in. 24 hours is the minimum to really feel that mental clarity that I love. I drink lots of water, have my 2 iced coffees, and keep running and workouts very light, nothing with too much exertion but I still like to get in a bit of a sweat.

A good cleanse of everything, if you will.