You're Making Me Feel Left Out
I love welcoming people.
If I didn’t feel so bitter about paying my college hundreds of thousands of dollars, I probably would have volunteered on campus more. I would’ve been on the campus housing welcoming committee or whatever the group of students is called who volunteers their summer time and energy to help us unpack stuff into the dorms. Angels, truly.
Just give me a clipboard and a highlighter and I’m there. I love welcoming people.
You know what’s more fun than running a 5K? Volunteering at registration. Hell f*cking yes. 7AM Sunday morning, I am out there, saying hi and getting you PUMPED to crush this race. Mrs. Petersen, today’s the day where you PR I know it.
Ok but it’s more than welcoming.
It is embracing people to be a part of something– whether that’s part of the campus community or a body of runners. I like doing things that say, “you can be a part of this and you’re welcomed to be.”
Because I know what it’s like to feel left out. You feel unnoticed, unimportant, and unloved.
One Sunday morning, I mustered up the courage to head down to the Fellowship Hall of a new-ish Christian church I’d been attending. I barely knew anyone so I didn’t make any real friends yet but I wanted to. Fellowship Hall feels a lot like that typical high school lunch scene where you’ve grabbed your food tray and then you stand awkwardly by yourself looking around the lunchroom for where to sit. No one’s waving you down to join them. You have no idea which direction to take a step in. Except during Sunday fellowship, you aren’t holding a tray and everyone’s standing in clusters talking to someone else and there’s a lot of laughter in those circles. It’s clear you’re missing out. I felt like the only person in that entire congregation who didn’t know someone. I eventually stopped going.
This experience was an anomaly.
Most Christian churches are superb at making people feel welcomed and included right away. They’re equipped with their own welcoming committee, members will say hi to new faces, the pastor will ask us to turn to our neighbors and introduce ourselves, say good morning, etc. Churches can teach us a lot about growing community, inclusivity, volunteering resources, and making people feel so good that they come back. On a practical level, churches had thousands of years to get good at this. On a spiritual level, if you feel the call to get more involved, you should answer it.
When I hosted events, I’d see some of the same people again and again. I loved it. Nothing says you’re crushing it as an event organizer than recurring attendees. Over time, we would all grow closer and have more to talk about at each event. When a new person would join in, I could feel myself wanting to make sure they feel welcomed while still being able to catch up and go deeper with the regularly attending folks, too.
It’s a slippery slope for me I’ll be honest because sometimes I’ll see people (who became friends by now) and anyone can notice the social chemistry and laughter that gets shared. I imagine a new person can easily feel like “what did I miss?” depending on their interest in getting involved. From the outside looking in, it can seem like a clique and I never want that to be perceived.
Maybe it’s just me.
I remember at a previous startup I worked at, the OG employees would have a ton of inside jokes from the first days of starting the company. They’d often take walks down memory lane together during an all team meeting where we had MORE new teammates present than OG ones. People were vocal about feeling like “they’ve missed the good days” or they’ll never be in the old boys club like Moe, Larry, and Curly are. A bit of a bad example with the old boys club but true.
It’s no one’s intention to make anyone feel left out. It’s a horrible feeling. I hope you don’t feel that way ever.
But I think sometimes, we reminisce and celebrate the “good old days” with our closest friends and teammates because well, it feels good. The shared experience cannot be replaced or recreated– it will always be that special memory with those specific people. How lucky are you to have that. <3
But I also think that there’s enough love and welcoming and warmth to go around. If we want to, we can enlarge our circles and grow our communities.
A larger collective hug, arms open wide.
Something that says “there’s space for you here, too.” We can welcome in more people who’ve entered our journey in 2023 even if they weren’t with us a few years ago, they’re here now.
Incase no one’s told you in a while, I hope you know that my life is richer because you are in it now.
I’m happy you’re here and thankful I met you.
