When I Think I'm About to Die
I’m not afraid of dying. It’s inevitable.
There are times when I think I’m about to die.
Like when I free fall from 150+ ft in the air, diving straight into the earth, only to be caught by the cables and harness milliseconds before crashing into the ground on the the Six Flags’ Dare Devil Dive.
Or when I’m forced to suffer grueling turbulence for several minutes, eventually to conclude that this plane is going to crash and burn.
Whether I’m plummeting straight into the ground or holding onto a plane for dear life, my mind is convinced that this may be it for me.
My life was lived.
And now, I am going to die.
Immediately, my next thought is—
OK, Did I live my best life?
I don’t think about my blog.
I don’t think about my high interest rate student loans.
I don’t think about my new budget.
I don’t think about that Slack or email I forgot to reply to.
I don't think about that project that’s stalled.
I don’t think about the upcoming All Hands meeting.
I don’t think about how I will up-level in my position.
I don’t think about how I will work abroad.
I don’t think about all the countries I haven’t seen yet.
I don’t even think about my immediate family, like my father and if I ever got his approval for anything I accomplished.
I don’t think about any of the things that occupy most of my mental energy these days.
Instead, I vividly replay the chances I had in life to give my all, and I ask myself—
“Did I?”
BUT I don’t think about every chance. It seems that I’d only think about the areas in my life that I care about most. I asked myself—
Did I run my hardest in my races?
did i give my absolute best in each speech i delivered?
It’s in these flashing moments, when I think in my gut instead of in my head. I’d say my heart but I literally feel scared as F and its in my gut.
Because if I die right now and this is it for me, I’ll 100% regret having held back.
Then, the cable tightens before my body smashes into smithereens and I’m in a pendulum swing or the turbulence stops and we’re safely on our way to the destination.
I’m relieved and I’m also more motivated than ever because I’m reminded that I can potentially die at anytime.
“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. ”
We should have more near-death experiences.
It is a wake-up call.
Because if this is it for your one life, wouldn’t you want to go all in?
Make the most of your life. Pour yourself into what you love.
Right?