How to Hold a Cockroach by Matthew Maxwell
I was recommended this book through TikTok.
It’s a very short read, like a children’s book for adults.
The best thing it did was help me pause to think about the beliefs I adopted, a careful practice since our lives are shaped by our strongest held beliefs.
Here are my notes:
And the more he believed anything, the more evidence of it he noticed, until it all became true. (page 64) I thought about the Honda effect when I read this, essentially how if we think about something, we seek evidence to support that thought.
He considered how what he had believed– all that seemed true about himself and everything else– had caused him to suffer. How his mind’s need to be right about its judgements had magnified the suffering. (page 65)
“You always have a choice,” says the voice in his heart. To hold the past and future you choose. To hold life as you choose. To hold yourself as you choose. You always have a choice. “And the way I choose is love,” says the man as he embraces the boy within. (page 86)
He notices how it is to be him, to be here, to be love. He sits up in the grass, taking in the world, and the new possibilities arising in soul.”Maybe everything is sacred,” he think with a reverent breath, “or maybe nothing is!” He laughs in glee, reborn. The creator and witness of his world. (page 87)
Here are my fresh reflections:
When I was a child, I thought God didn’t love me considering the house He put me in and kind of dad He gave me. This kind of belief anchors you in a bad place and if I kept believing this, I don’t know how my life would have turned out to be honest. Eventually, through community and church and God’s unwavering love, I switched to believing and knowing that God has always loved me and He gave my the kind of dad to teach me and open my heart. The darkness I experienced was to help show others the light and I started practicing this in my speeches, stories, and poetry since my early 20s.
Everything works out for me, often even better than I imagine. This is a thought I replay in my mind when I’m dealing with things outside of my control which is basically everything. In my first few jobs, my line managers were over-preparers and it’s helpful to be, especially in sales. But there’s a lightness that comes with surrendering, especially to things you can’t control.