5 Ways to Help You Get Over a Breakup

because when I was going through mine, I didn’t have the slightest clue.

Initially, I was putting a lot of effort into convincing everyone around me that I was okay rather than being honest and connecting with people who could help me.

This article is for you if you’re going through a breakup. This article is for your friend if he/she is going through a breakup.

This article is for my 2016 self.

Breakups are really fucking hard, I get it. But life moves on, OK. It does not slow down for anyone so use this list to help you get your shit together-

Get all his stuff out of your sight.
All his shit. Put it in a box and store it away or throw it out. All your lovey dovey pictures, delete them. His sweater that you never gave back, donate it.
Go out and make brand new friends.
I’m talking about meeting people who know nothing about you yet and don’t know anything about him. It will feel very refreshing to not explain how you're feeling or talk about him in any capacity.
Get back to doing that thing you love.
Now, something, something, had to have fallen off the table during the relationship. There either wasn’t enough time for it or they didn’t like you doing it, maybe you forgot about it, whatever the case- get back at it. For me, this was photography and photoshoots.
Make the burn list.
Make a list of all the reasons you do not want to / can not be with him. This is to prevent yourself from thinking that he was the only one for you and to remind you why you broke up in the first place.

Because the first weeks after a breakup are the shittiest. You’re likely to have thoughts of:
“Damn, we were so good, I’m never going to have that again.”
“I’ll never have those cute inside jokes with someone else like that.”
“No one’s going to accept me and my weird as fuck personality.”

You’re very likely to go down this rabbit hole about how much time and energy you already put into this relationship. You'll start to think nonsense and believe how he was the O N L Y human being on earth that matches with you.

Let me be one to tell you, that is not true. I know it hurts and I’m going to say it again- it is not true and you need to stop lying to yourself.

All the reasons.
Everything.
Get it down in your Notes app. The next time you have those stupid thoughts, pull out your phone and remind yourself why you broke up and why he is not the one for you.
Learn to forgive.
Forgive yourself and forgive him. If you don't do this, you'll never get over it.
I found this to be the hardest part and it was a process in of itself. Learning how to forgive someone who was never sorry. Knowing that during the breakup, there were things we said that we didn’t mean.

Now, if you’ve taken all these steps, good work. You're setting yourself up to move forward and I'm proud of you.

But I’m letting you know that you’ll find yourself revisiting, staying, maybe lingering in memories that you desperately wish you would just forget.

This part takes time.

And coming from the most impatient person on the planet, I can attest that it gets better. There's a place where you can miss someone but not want them back in your life. Right now, you don’t need distraction, you need patience and action. It’s how you heal heartache.

I want to share some truths I learned from my friend and mentor, Tiphany:

Know that his behavior is not your fault. If he did something to seek validation, to feel good about himself, that’s his problem. Do not think to yourself ‘I wasn’t giving him enough love or attention.’ NO. He could have been vocal. Know your worth. You deserve nothing short of an amazing partner.

I leave you with more of Tiph's wise words:

Love is not painless.
The next one will mess up, too. But consider this a lesson learned, you now know what you don’t like so you can tell the next one ‘hey, don’t do this.’